Wrong

You know, why is it we always seem to be attracted to those who are so very wrong for us? I can't tell you how many times I have told someone..leave that sorry muthafucka alone or that bitch ain't no good. I can't tell you how many times I have asked someone why they can't leave their fatal attraction alone.
I on the other hand have never been asked that question. Is it because I think with my head and am able to distinguish between good and evil? Is it because I'm just so damn smart that I would never allow myself to care about someone who doesn't give a shit about me? Or is it because most people don't know when I'm longing to be with that "wrong" person?
The answer is nobody knows. I keep that shit to myself. You can't tell me that you don't know when you are dealing with Mr. or Mrs. Wrong. You can't tell me that you don't see the writing on the wall. You can't tell me that your brain doesn't warn you. It's just that your dick is louder. Telling you how good that shit is or is gonna be.
The first guy I fell for was the wrong guy. Yet I still have fond memories of him. I can easily forget about all the bad crap that happened between us just because the pee pee says "he wasn't so bad". The second, third and fourth guys were all the wrong guys too. I just wonder if this is why I feel the way I do. Why I won't take that leap. There have been some good guys but the funny thing is...they just don't do it for me or they are otherwise engaged. Sound familiar? I bet it does.

What to do...what to do!!!

When did it happen?

I've asked myself a million times, when did it happen? At what point did I realize I was capable of loving a man. I have not been able to answer that question for myself probably because I was in denial or just chose not to remember. It came to me in my sleep last night. Wanna hear?

I was 22 years old and working at the number 1 pizza chain in the US at that time. I was a General Manager. Quite young for that position but I was a responsible kinda guy back then. One of my assistants was an ex-football player who owned a boat. His name was Pete. Pete invited me and another of my managers to go out on the boat and much to my surprise I accepted. The reason this is such a shock is because Lady is afraid of any water deeper than the bathtub. Well we got out on Ford Lake and were just cruising around. He even let me drive the boat. I had a lot of fun. All the other guys thought it was a good idea to go water skiing. Not Lady. Don't play that shit. I only felt safe in the boat because I had a life jacket on and Pete was a big burly motherfucker that would not let anything happen to me. Cute as hell but not the one I was capable of loving. It was my other manager who I'll call Zander.

Now Zander was a good looking guy; not as hot as Pete but cute just the same. Sandy brown hair about 6'2" 180lb solid guy. It was fairly obvious to me that he liked me a lot. I always questioned his sexuality but never mine. Once he pulled his dick out and tried to get me to suck it and I didn't even look at it. Oh to have that day back again. Anyway, Zander was second to hit the water to go skiing. He was a natural at it. Didn't fall one time. When he got back in the boat, he was freezing. I handed him a jacket and he was shivering. He asked me in front of all the other guys to hold him so he could warm up. I just looked at him and then I did it. It did not feel real to me at first. One of the guys on the boat just glared at us but the strange thing is I didn't care. At that moment him in my arms felt better than anything I could remember.

That moment haunted me for a while and eventually I got back to my normal life but it was that moment that I fell in love with my first guy.

Time out

You know there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking a break. In fact I understand why other countries give their workers so many weeks of vacation. I just took one of my 2+ weeks off from work and I did absolutely nothing. I dealt with some shit that needed to be dealt with but other than that I did nothing.

Well nothing is not entirely true. I went out with my friends on Tuesday to a bar that a "straight" person most likely would not be at. At that bar I ran into one of the people I work with. Talk about uncomfortable. I'm not one for making excuses but for some reason I felt like I should. Glad I did because I found out that I have a secret (or not so secret) admirer. Now I can be friends with just about anyone but I was not going to let this man get in my pants and go back to work and tell everyone. That's just not the way I plan to be outed. At any rate he took his drunk ass home after buying me too much to drink and I went to yet another bar with my friends. Just must have been my night. I caught the attention of an older married man. For some reason I felt a little intrigued by this man. Probably because he was older. Probably because in some old school way of thinking, age equals security. Maybe it was because he has been married for 31 years and being discreet would not be something new to him. Or maybe it was just because I'm a slut and he had a big dick. I really don't know but whatever it was....he sure knew how to flatter a lady.

Now I know I gotta take some shit from my friends for this latest escapade but for all of you tramps...let's compare histories.
What a way to spend a vacation!!!