OLD HABITS DIE HARD!!!

Am I blind, stupid or just overly optimistic?

You know, I have always known that racism existed in the world I just made a decision to not let it be a part of my life. I guess by not acknowledging it on some level, it did not exist. But let me tell you the more I try to ignore it the more I realize that it is alive and well in this great nation of ours. In fact the new generation of ignorance is scary in ways that the old generation were not.
I had a conversation with a young man at work today. Keep in mind that I really liked this kid.(notice the past tense) I might have even had an inappropriate thought or two about him. But have you ever had someone you like open their mouth and the attraction just dies almost instantly? That happened to me today. This boy told me that half of the black population is in jail, that white people are the dominant race, that black people are not nearly as smart as white people and a bunch of other stupid shit. Now Lady loves to fuck with people so I played with this boy's mind for a good while and suddenly it hit me that I did not want to have him in my world anymore because he was serious. After I realized he was serious, I just had to get away from him because I was getting so pissed that my head hurt.
The funny thing is I got pissed because never in my life had racism gotten up in my face like that. Never has it touched me in a way that was so blatant and obvious. I really wanted to believe that people were capable of loving one another despite their skin colors. I did a fine job of living in my own little world but I just gotta wonder how many other assholes still feel the same as this young asshole because quite frankly, someone had to teach him this crap. It just really bothers me to the point where I can say it kinda hurts. Not because people are not being accepted for who they are but because the young people who are being taught this crap are missing out on a whole lot of love by not opening themselves up to all types of people.
Oh well...what are you gonna do?!!!

Taking life for granted

How many times have I gotten up out of bed? How many times have I hopped into my car and just driven to where I needed to go? How many times have I taken a flight of stairs sometimes 2 at a time? How many times have I complained about hearing too much noise? Why am I asking these questions? You see I got really pissed off about a lot of dumb shit today. When you get as pissed as I was, you forget about all the things you have to be thankful for.
A mentor of mine from a while back used to put things in perspective when I got pissed of by simply stating "what about the people in wheelchairs?"
I went to the University of Akron track today to walk off some anger and some fat. As I moved around the track at what seemed to be a slow pace for me, I saw a lady walking the track with a walker. No big deal right..this woman had obviously had a stroke and the effort it took for her to be out there brought tears to my eyes. I kept thinking how this woman had more heart in her big toe than I have in my whole body. I have no way of knowing if this woman abused her body to be in her condition or if she was born that way. The only thing I could think about is how she did not let her disability hold her back. HEART!!!!
I was put there on that track at that time because I was taking life for granted and letting the small stuff get to me. I needed my eyes open and guess what...they got opened.
Something that next to no one knows about me is that I have 2 mentally disabled sisters. Their quality of life seems so bleak to me but they seem happy. My mother is 60+ years old and care for both of these women. Not once have I heard her complain. That could have easily been me or anyone else being put in that situation. How many of us could truly handle that?
Next time you start to take life for granted think about other people and some of the struggles they might have. I guarantee your situation won't seem so bad afterwards.

What's up people.

I have been absent for a while. Haven't really had a lot to say. It's funny that when you are going thru some shit you forget how to talk or write. Isn't this the time when you should write the most? Probably. This also seems to be the time when you feel most alone and you think that "it's just me." You think that everyone has their shit together except you.
Well I talked to momma the other day and she said "baby it is not just you." Seems everyone in my family is being challenged right now. As much as I want to give up sometimes, I've got an example to set. I've got people watching me to see how I will pull thru and you know what, I will pull thru. I've got so many directions to go in that I can't figure out where to go.
I feel as though there is a higher power trying to guide me but I'm not hearing everything I'm supposed to. I try to get my mind to be quiet so I can hear what I'm supposed to but I just can't seem to get it quiet enough. Any pointers?
The one thing I know for sure is that I hate where I am right now in my life and don't want to keep doing what I'm doing but I don't know where to start over. Is school the answer? Is operating my own business the answer? A combination of the 2? What is a lady to do????

Dear sweet momma

My friend has made me think about the single most important person in my life. The one responsible for making me a responsible human being. A man. A damn good man. One who believes in taking care of his family. That's my mother. Lord knows I didn't learn that shit from my dad who avoided responsibility like the plague.
My mother taught me that good relationships are something to be treasured and held close to the heart. My problem is that I've not let many people get that close because I hurt easily and I don't like being hurt. Understand this though, there is nothing more important to me than feeling loved. Being loved and having someone just for no reason at all say "I love you".
I have such a wide array of loved ones. I have black ones, white ones, males, females, gay, straight, confused and just plain fucked up. The key to maintaining these relationships is to love them all.
I have a friend out there that soooo many people talk bad about because he is just a fuck up. But you know what, I love the guy. I have grown so sick and tired of acting like I don't because it is not the accepted way to feel about this guy so no more. I love the guy. Couldn't tell you why but I do. Some speculate that we are more than friends. Truth is, they are right. There is a connection there. One that has been there since he was 18 years old when God but him in my life and forced me to care about him. So yes I care about him. Guess what...he loves me too. He is incapable of showing love the way most people do but I have no doubt whatsoever that he loves me. So in the words of another good friend of mine...PHUKK EM!! If they can't accept the fact that I love and care about a screw up..fuck 'em. I am a fuck up and God loves me so why would I not share that love with someone else.

Lady goes Tramp

Ok Honey....Lady was a tramp last night. I won't tell you how much of a tramp but I will say I'm still not as bad as the rest of you whores. If I had known that getting your pole shined could feel so good...I might have tramped a lot sooner.
I also know that I have to careful and not cross too many lines because I don't want fucking around to ever be too easy for me. My family history tells me that if I go too far, there is no coming back. For that reason I'm not going to be out very much.
Last night was killer. The fucking stripper was driving me insane and he knew it! He went out of his way to fuck with me every opportunity he got. It was kinda fun!!! In addition, one of your friend's friends was just too fucking adorable. Bad situation for a hoe to be in.

What's up

Lady doesn't have much to talk about these days. So more than anything I'm just logging on to say hey. But now that I'm on, what the fuck is going on in the US today? I kinda watched a little television at work today and I saw some crazy shit. Military copters crashing into TV towers, coroners mixing up dead people and notifying the wrong families, bikini killers and Bush's dumb ass still in the White House. After seeing all that crap its no wonder I don't watch the news anymore. This would also begin to explain why such a large percentage of our population is on some kind of anti-depressant. Yes I went there.

On the upside, Lady has begun looking for another job so if any of you whores still believe in chivalry, hook me up.